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Wednesday, December 30, 2009

This post is about YOU!

Hello Bloggers, as promised, KickAss is here with a post on you people! Errrrrr, should i warn you guys first? OK, read this post only if you have the guts to face what most of you; or rather us are! So many times few of us have written indirect and sarcastic posts on bloggers; but we still see them coming back to us. They are slightly dumb to get the point as they fail to understand our sarcastic tone. Oh am I sounding rude? Well at least this time you have got it right. So I am hoping that you get the post too and find out (if I am so fortunate) which category you belong to and try to change (I know, I have got high hopes about you!).

One important thing I would like to add - I am not going to categorize anybody on the basis of how good or bad they write. The intentions are just to mention about those bloggers who do not preach what they practice!

Not at all wanted nutters - We all have them around us! They are usually hidden under the covers of "Anonymous" identity. You give them one opportunity, and they will attack you from all the possible angles; whether relevant or not. If your post is about how pretty the girls are or how to patao them, and the reader happens to be a gay; then he will abuse you left right center under anonymous identity! Phew, chill dude or dudette whoever; give yourself and us a break! Chill! If I have the guts to post straight things; then why are you hiding yours?Oh by the way; here at KickAss, we have a policy - we will not publish anonymous comments. So don't waste your time and our space please!

Showing off ones - You will find these people always talking about brands! No no, not about their knowledge about those brands; but what all brands they own; what cars they drive, where all they travel and how etc. etc. In short, they are the most conceited creatures around blogsphere (no offense meant Mr. Hedonist!). So people, I don't care if you own a Louis Vuitton bag or a Cross Pen, Mercedes Benz or a Ferrari (contact me if you own this car; I am ready to be adopted); but do not disclose such things on your blog! Nobody is interested in reading those things.

Crazy for Comments - These people will die of a shock if there are less than 20 comments on their post after 24 hours of posting it. They panic, they rant, they force others to comment, they sulk if you don't and what not. All they need is numbers. They write same kind of stuff each time; they even expect same kind of praises each time. If you criticize them, they will sulk even more! So people, just post good comments about them and you have a sure shot nagging follower forever!

"I don't know what are you talking about" ones - Well i didn't feel like using the term dumb here; as they never admit that they are dumb. But these people do not understand the simplest form of a post. Most of the time, they will leave a question mark, or they will take your funny post seriously, they will take your sarcastic remark as a compliment and in the end, you look like a fool!

Well people, here at KickAss, we have decided to kick the ass of people who bother us, but writing it down has been worse than getting our ass kicked; for I had to praise them all over again! And this is a sarcastic remark guys. Hope you have understood it this time!

N.B. You are welcome to wonder which category houses the talented proprietors of this blog, and are allowed to think aloud too. But whether it is advisable to do so... don't ask me!
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Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Not so Complimentary!

Is it possible to have best friends in a virtual world?
Or you can say we are just lucky!
Neti and I (this coming live from Guria's hang-out... yeah, I am a geek, I hang out with my computer, you mind?) have this fascination with people, sometimes critical, sometimes lavish... but an opinion we always have. Hence, KickAss. Our pet blog.
Here we are going to take refuge in unity while ranting.
Even though we both are *pretty* good fiction writers, our favourite characters are the real ones we see, hear and of course, read about every day, and we observe.
Seeking refuge in being a pair writing and owning this blog, we are here to bash brains and kick ass! So are you upto it? Got the guts?
Okay, Neti is the nice one in here and I'm the bad one, that's already as good as chiseled by the last few sentences. But then Neti is actually the nicest one. Few may know I had loved (and lost) her in my last life. Not the one as created by Facebook or from Pichle Janam ke Raaz (or whatever) but really... because that is the only way she can define my over-the-board compliments. But coming back to the point, Neti is really the best-est individual with the gold-iest heart that I know. and she really hates attention on to her. 
Oh, she puts on a very "I'm rude and I'm sarcastic" mask of bravado, keeping people confused but I can always see her squirming!
When I type, "u r sexy! ;)"
She types back, "hahahaha" and after a pause a very formal "Thank you :)"... Good manners kick in!
Well, she does have great legs, and I don't have to be male to notice those, but completely comatose, with all nerve-connections cut-off and on a ventilator not to!!
Rest of the time she is typing "U r madddddd"...
I mean she'll rant "I dont write well", "I wish it could have been better" and this-blah and that-blah, and when I very honestly say "u r one of d best writers arnd" and I immediately become 'biased n madddd'
Now she knows I'm the Sarcastic Butter Queen, meaning I am best at concocting a damn potent cocktail of over-the-top but not-untrue compliments with dash of subtle sarcasm. And no one knows it better than her. But still she has problem digesting anything and everything nicey-nice said about her.
At first I used to think she's like me. I love being coy and modest, it fetches more compliments you know, but no, she seriously loathes them. So, when I know my compliments can have such pivotal effect (Neti looks so pretty when she is red), I understand it's being put to good, nei great use, and hence showering compliments it is, my other pet hobby!
Finally she has come up with, "I don't trust ur judgment any more.... u r too partial"
But I guess, actually she was relieved. When she learned for sure that I have no bi-sexual or heterosexual tendencies. 
I do love her. She is my dearest friend.
There's no reason why one shouldn't believe me... Thank God I'm not a man, then no one would have. ;)

Image Courtesy: blogs.csuchico.edu
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Monday, December 21, 2009


Hello people, welcome to KickAss - the jakkas blog. Well it has been quite a few days since we started this blog, but the first post was not getting kick started for a long time. And the co-author of this blog has been hiding under the covers claiming she is going through the so called writer's blog! Will anybody in one's right mind believe that? But why am I mentioning here here? Well the reason behind this post is indeed Guria. Well read on and find out!

I am sure most of you love compliments; people commenting on your clothes, accessories, features, height and what not! After receiving all those compliments, how confident we become, right? Ah! wish it worked with me too the same way. I am pathetic at taking compliments. They embarrass me so much that I wish, "kash abhi ye dharti fat jaaye aur me usme sama jau"! Too cliched but so very true for me.

It so happens that G always showers me with compliments! I am damn sure she was madly in love with me in our last birth. I would have been a flirt, usko dhoka diya hoga and in this birth she is taking a revenge on me! Why revenge? For she very well knows how pathetic I am at taking compliments, how much they trouble me, how I run to hide from them. But she still does not stop!

Now since this morning, G has started a new wish-list on her fan page. And her first wish is:

If I were a man........ #1 I'd wish Neti was not married ;)

Actually, I want to thank god for her block; if not for the block, she would have written a whole post on this!

I think it all seems pretty odd to you guys na, that I don't like compliments? I can give you a good example for this. Once I had been to a party with my husband. There we met his ex girlfriend. She complimented me saying my husband is a lucky guy as I was his wife. I replied, "Really?"

Poor my husband M; he got so embarrassed, leaving me even more embarrassed! So please people*, stop throwing your compliments at me. Shoot me if you hate me so much, but please spare me from this!

* People = G

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