Uber CRAP

What happens when a professional lawyerist meets a professional scientist??
They discuss laws... criminal law... newton's law... cole slaw... etc. etc.



What happens when they meet a professional hedonist??

Total Law-cha



Ahem?? whats that??

A wannabe pseudo intellectual, pseudo marketing guru, pseudo what-not blogger tries to give *professional advice* to these "mature" bloggers almost twice his/her age... He gets kick assed all over town.

And then he tries to seek solace (read whine) at another conclave of mature bloggers... and he did mention that he was a teen.. for that extra bit of sympathy...


http://www.techgoss.com/Story/2405S14-Young-blogger-hurt.aspx


Feel like crying?? Sure.. go ahead... like I always say... Laugh and the world laughs with you... Cry and the world laughs at you!!!

So next time you decide to throw pseudo professional advice at anyone.. whether you are Superman/Batman/Spiderman *hint.. remember the joke* or you are shaktimaan.. aryamaan... or whether you wear your pants inside your undies or inside out... you're gonna get Kick Assed

Coming back to Square one... What happens when a professional lawyerist meets a professional scientist and a professional hedonist??

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I Wish Opinion was not for free!!!

My current facebook status message says:

The ability to speak does not make you intelligent!

And this got me thinking. This is not the first time I have updated a normal status message that people have made controversial, ego issue or taken personally. Well, I am quite used to it by now; bu don't you think I am entitled to my opinion?

The status message point is a small one. In fact I quite enjoy the comments I get on those - they are witty, provoking, irritating, aggressive as well as interesting. Each one expresses one's own opinion. That's democracy right? Then why are we questioned for updating what we want to?

We all express our opinion different ways. sometimes through status messages, sometimes through a post and sometimes through comments. But these days we mistake opinion with bashing. I am merely a year old on blogger, but it is a well known fact around that if you write a post about your opinion, people will take it personally and bash you left-right-center.

The irony is that many people do not even bother to read what you have written! They will read the first few lines, last few lines and couple of comments; that's all. and they fight with you for the point you have not even mentioned indirectly or minutely!

I can link ten such posts here - mine and others' - whereby the author has been given free advice he/she never even asked for. But this place is purely for the purpose of kicking ass rather than giving free publicity to anybody.

Most of the times, people give their opinion on about something which is not their genre or field. I blog because I want your feedback; I blog because I am ready to take appreciation as well as criticism; but I do not blog to take your frustration. If you do not like my opinion; either you should not leave a comment there or unleash your anger on your blog rather than provoking my regular readers or shooing them away!

There are times when people comment negative on others' opinion and blast them in the case where either their ego is hurt due to the brutal honesty published by the author; or they are guilty of the crime. If you fit into none of these categories; then simply comment why you agree or disagree. You have no right to comment on one's credibility at all.

And those personal comments! People do not like personal questions being asked to them; but they will always try to know what are your vacation plans, how many kids you have, when did you have a break up etc. all.

Now after reading this post; they will say why do I blog if I cannot tolerate their comments? Well, this post is not about me at all. It is my general observation. By grace of God, I have been blessed with wonderful readers who read my blog and leave a "normal" comment. But I know a few people who write normal stuff, but they get s#!t comments on their simple posts.

I wish bloggers would at least read the post first rather than reading first or last line only. Don't believe me? Then check my latest post - Taking Shortcuts! You will find many people commenting only on the last line. What do you think about those?

PS: Hope you guys do read this post entirely rather than reading this post script first and then the last paragraph. I would like to know your views about the entire topic and not merely on the last paragraph.

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I am tired!

I am tired!
Tired of the words they say.

They please you, they praise you, they win your heart
They admire you all the time; making you blind;
They make sure you trust them from the start.

I am tired!
Tired of the games they play;

They catch you, they push you, they rip you apart;
you lose faith, you lose friends, you lose it all you have;
They leave you all alone; with a broken heart

I am tired!
Tired of the things they do

they stab you in your back and come to console you
They command you, they possess you
you are left at their mercy; they have the last laugh!

You are all alone; nowhere to go!
You cannot run; you cannot hide
they make sure you are not even left with the option to die

you are in total darkness; scared of yourself;
they have won; won the game they played

Yes I am tired!
Tired of losing all over again!

PS: This piece is a result of my current mood. It is not a poem nor I am attempting any verses; nor I am trying to rhyme. You do not necessarily have to like it.

PPS: You may like it if you are the victim and you will hate it if you are the culprit.

PPPS: I am neither the victim nor the culprit.

Image Source: wdydwyd.ning.com

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MAV goes to IM

Hey people! My dear friend and one of the authors of KickAss family is joining INDImag family. Mr. Madhu requested me whether he could interview Guria on KickAss; well how could I have refused right? So here goes Mr. Madhu Rao of INDImag live on KickAss with Guria.

Welcome Aboard Guria. We have a tradition of welcoming a new member on board with our IM Anthem.

Bugles, trumpets out of bag;

Mav is joining INDImag.

Ours is the best place to be;

Welcome to INDImag family!

Claps Claps Claps.

After that amazing anthem written by me; let me welcome Guria, aka the Maverick Misfit aka Mav.

M: Welcome to INDImag Mav. How does it feel to be on the board of IM?

G: :-P Thank you Madhu. It feels great to be here. It has always been my dream to be a part of IM :-P.

M: Oh that’s great. I am honoured. But what exactly was the reason behind you wanting to be a part of IM?

G: :-P, Whenever there is a new author on board; you always welcome him/her with a wonderful welcome comment :-P. I wanted to get one too from you :-P.

M: Errrr Mav, why are you sticking out your tongue? Isn’t it rude?

G: :-P, Madhu, that’s my signature expression. I am sure you will get used to it soon.

M: You know why I wanted you to be on IM board? There are two reasons: First; apart from me, you are the only writer whose posts very few understand; most comment on our posts without understanding it and they are all praises; as they all want to play safe. Sigh!

Second – I have been curious to know; why do you call yourself Guria and not Gudia?

G: ROFL. You know, I have a few secrets. Please don’t reveal those :-P.

I do not like to use the letter D in Hindi. So I write my name as Guria instead of Gudia; I say Parai instead of Padhai (even if it changes the meaning completely), chor instead of Chhod etc. Etc. My second secret: I do not understand Hindi Genders – kya male hai and kya female hai muje nahi samaj aati hai. Mera hindi thoda si weak hai. I hope we will have to write only in English on IM. :-P

M: Ummmm, all right. That’s fine. (darn, I wish I had known it all earlier)

We at IM have a tradition to give a separate Signature to our authors:

Harsha is INDIhar; I am INDImad (for sure now; as I recruited you) and you shall be INDImav (I can’t believe I am doing this!).

Welcome aboard INDImav! Good luck (to me and IM)

PS: This is a pure work of fiction with real characters. Any resemblance to anybody is completely intentional.

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How to become famous – 10 ways

Hey people! I am sure the last post was way too sweet as per the regular standrads of KickAss; for it did not go well with the theme. But it was about 6 amazing fiction writers; and they all deserved the special mention; thus Shrikant allowed Guria to go ahead with the post. And now I have been held at gun point to write another KickAss post.

My post on Neha’s Blog was blessed with a lot of limelight due to various reasons. After almost a year of blogging; I realised that receiving 100+ comments is not a difficult task at all. In fact; it is the simple most thing to do. Just follow few simple rules:

1) Choose the topic that has some kind of discriminating factor.

2) Blog hop a lot and leave an “over the board” comment on others’ post. They are bound to visit your page after you have left many praises on their post. If the post favours them, they will praise you back and may add you in their follow list. If they hated your post, they will leave an anonymous comment.

3) Agree with your readers. But ask them questions. They will come back and reply again. The number and length of comments will keep on increasing.

4) Do not write a new post for next seven days.

5) Publish your post at all possible networking sites.

6) After three days, once the traffic starts decreasing; blog hop again, leave a nice comment, call the blog owner intelligent, leave your post link and ask for his views on it.

7) After another day, follow step two again.

8) Next day, follow step three.

9) All this while, you only keep posting anonymous comment on your post that is opposing and replying to others. Enjoy the game being played among your readers.

10) In those seven days, think about your second topic and mention it in bold and capital letters in your comment form and other social networking sites.

Do this exercise. I am sure you will get more than 100 unique hits per day. Activate Adsense and earn money. Moreover, you will be considered as one of the finest bloggers. Additionally; add all your commentors as your facebook friends. Now you are secured that they will always come back and read your post and comment out of friendship.

This is just my general observation about this strange blgoworld. I did not follow any of these rules for my post. Thus I got a very furious response for the same. My ability to understand law was questioned too. I made a mistake. I did not follow these 10 golden rules. But it is never to late.

PS: The title of this post is “inspired” by the movie – How to lose a guy in Ten days. I am specifically mentioning it here as I do not want people to accuse me of copyright infringement.

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The FictioNistas

Rather than going for an explosive content before people have the chance to appreciate our audacity, we thought of "let's praise 'em before we can bury 'em" instead. This way lured into the quagmire, people will have the fleeting chance to like this blog before they publicly forsake, and then secretly visit this place! 

I think of myself like a budding story-writer (of course, subject to a story line that for some reason strikes others' minds before it does mine). Though very honestly, I am a better editor (shining examples of which you haven't really seen), I'm passable when it comes to narrating. But I believe I'm a very good critic, in the positive sense of the word, who can apreciate an effort behind a piece. I'm a dumbo when it comes to controversial topics, my first impulse is always finding loopholes (even though I'm not the lawyer here) and refuting. But fiction I appreciate in its true form.

By true form I mean the power of the writer to make his reader feel the protagonist's feelings, and see with ultimate clarity in everything that unfolds. A writer who can make the reader savour every word, wanting to move slowly through the lines, yet fast, and go back to the beginning once you finish it. 

A story I believe should not be judged by "Wow, I didn't guess the ending!! Whatta twist! Clap! Clap! Clap!" but by how beautifully one can tell a story however old, however clichéd, however 'predictable', that will ensnare the reader completely into living the story.

Of course all said and done, one needs to have a reader who also will possess  or even understand these attributes to ultimately appreciate a piece, not for its storyline (which can be any damn thing, copied, emulated or not) but the ability to spin and create. And such readers are sadly few and far between. People read too much and appreciate less. My opinion.

Did I make sense? Well, even if I didn't I can tell you some of these amazing blogger-writers who are amateurs, by the definition of the word, but could successfully do a career-swap if they really have the drive. These are the writers whom I am calling the Ultimate FictioNistas!

Harsha and his Voices in my Head

Harsha as I know him is one writer who transforms the ordinary to the the brilliantly extraordinary, though he says, "...there's the extraordinary in every ordinary..." but it does take a brilliant writer to really be able to see that, find that and make the readers see it as well. The best part about his writing is that he uses simple yet profound words which has more impact, more weightage than all with all the big, fashionable I-know-English words put together. His simplicity and his gift of description that recreates the mundane, changes the outlook not only of the casual reader, but a writer who happens to read too. That fiction can be wrote with such a soft yet realistic touch with an astounding fluency can be understood only from reading Harsha. Not one scared to try out new and various forms of fiction, he rediscovers new styles and ways of writing, also different experiences in reading. I read Harsha's with an awe, that how beautifully the simple can be made majestic and engrossing. He teaches to look at the surroundings in a whole new light, a master at narration, Harsha is a writer unsurpassed and much of a favourite.

Madhu and his contribution over at INDImag

This one person is an ideal among the writers all of us know. (I'd like to be like him, when I grow up) He's got an unparalleled magnetism in what he writes that compels you to leisure over the lines, roll them over in your mind, savour the earthy feeling it elicits while it urges you to move forward faster to experience the unfurling of the mystique created by his words. He is one writer I believe who has never been told, "I guessed the ending", because reading Madhu is never about the destination alone, the journey that he lays out is itself so mesmerizing that every word from the first to last creates an impact, drowning the reader in each and every emotion that he wants the reader to feel. Often, I can say for myself, I've felt at the end of one of his stories, for the magic to go on, ruing the fact that I went through faster than I would have wanted, and am compelled to read a few more times, just to live the story once again before I can leave a coherent, but not eloquent enough, word or two to Madhu. He is one writer who can actually put a pause in your stride and make you reflect. He's my most favourite writer in all of Blogosphere. 

Karthik and his Eloquence Redefined

When I read a blog, just like most (not all) of us, I obviously read the latest posts. This was one blog whose one post led me to read the next and then the next and so on. If one had this much power to fascinate and captivate, that I felt I needed to read more, still more. Karthik has a way of engaging the reader not only with the execution of the plot but with a narration that keeps you hooked and rooted. He makes you think, makes you wonder. Human emotions, unveiled yet hidden between the words, human reactions that crop up from those very emotions make Karthik a realistic yet fantastic writer. He writes fiction coloured with the real, and sprinkled with veiled but imminent idealism. His fiction also holds a magic of a kind, a magic of re-creating the known as the new, and each new piece brings more and better narration and presentation from a learning writer for the reader, who could also learn as much. Karthik is my latest addition to the "I-Am-Obsessed" reading list.

Stephen as the The Solitary Writer

Stephen as the Solitary Writer is a misnomer, for no one 'solitary' can depict human thoughts and human passions so well without being amidst them. But maybe 'solitary' is the right adjective to describe him, the flow and the fluency that he writes with, in the phases when he submerges into his story, when he's just The Writer and nothing else. Another one of the well-loved and appreciated Fictionistas, Stephen converts lives and their true stories into his masterpieces of fiction that can entwine the reader into feeling and thinking every single word that every character experienced in the piece. More than narration, description or presentation, Stephen's pens churns out a down-to-earth portrayal of human fallacies and honesty, along with an underlying trove of feelings, expressing outrage or faith accordingly. Stephen's is a fun read but often, it is a read that expresses another facet of the myriad colours of the world. Another one of my favourites, inspite of the black background! 

Pawan with his The Other Perspective

This young guy loves to shock, but he sure does it in style. A guy more matured than his years (and mine too), he literally shows the other view of the world, sometimes disparaging, sometimes vibrant and heartening. He is a strong, courageous character-writer who lets his pen do the talking, ripping and shredding and illuminate. But views apart (since that is an individual choice) his fictions are marked with an illustration with words. Narration and presentation rolled into one giant snowball it can crush you under its weight or take you with it on its exciting and provoking journey. A thinker-writer, his work persuades one to introspect into realms that one rarely traverses into by himself. A blog with the most apt name, Pawan shifts from more the well-travelled road down to the broken dirt road to view from that other perspective what this life and this world actually is. He comes across as one of the most intense writers and one of my major favoutites because of his dedication and involvement in his creations, that makes him unforgettable.

Annyesha over at The West Wind

This lady can write! Fiction is one of her many talents that she excels at. Every fiction is different, crammed with unique and profound thoughts. A vibrant writer, I experience a sense of mystery when I read her, a mysterious magic that she creates and solves making you think, but in the most off-hand manner. Even if one is not a thinker, reading her soothes one's senses with the wonderful description and transports into a world of beauty created by her pen alone. She is deeply insightful when she wants to be, and just a fictionist at other times, but always carries you forward through the ups and downs of her story in the most fascinating ride. Her use of words, her depiction spread out a new experience altogether that I never can't resist delving in. Add to that her ideology which is simple but assured and clear cut. Her fictions make an impact, her descriptions lure one in, and her plots engross. She is another fictionist I read, whom I can't resist. 

Neha over at Neha's Blog

I am just allowed to write two lines about my co-author and this is one. She is a terrible fictionist, who cannot write worth anything, everyone is better than her, and I must have been out of mind to write about her among The Fictionistas or so she says; I say, Neha is one of the best around, she knows how to cast a spell over her readers with her charm, her wit and her strong grip over her story, she is not one who cares about where she wants to end up but knows what she wants to achieve; and what she achieves is an addiction to her style of writing, presentation and portrayal of incidents and characters and of course, a pretty fast growing readership. This third sentence is not in the deal, but I can always tell out loud that I love the fiction she writes!

These are the FictioNistas I read regularly, and keep wanting them to write more! (It's  a privilege being able to read them for free) This list is in no way complete but right now, it is a way to showcase my favourites. And asking you, the Reader to read them and experience for yourself. The Ultimate FictioNistas!

We decided on a poll (that will come up when my illustrious co-author and I agree on the final list) with some of our favourite posts from these writers and allow the Reader to choose the best. But till then, since we all are the Crazy Fans of Fiction (another page/group in Facebook coming up for sure!) do suggest other fiction-writers who just command to be read! Do share your favourite! :)

with lurve, 

                                       

N.B. Seems more like KissAss than KickAss!! G.:)

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KickAss in Demand!

Two months, three authors and one writer - KickAss is going pretty strong people! Few wonderful souls keep providing us with non-stop massala so that we can function round the clock and entertain you. Popularity does not depend on numbers here. We are popular as people (read our regular punching bag) want to join the management of KickAss.

According to that people; with him on the board, we will be a much stronger force! My my, we are not looking for "weight" here. We are only looking for scapegoats; and that "people" already qualifies here. So Mister, you are very much a part of KickAss; even if you call your male servant - maid. We do need you around sir as you are ossumly wuu huu!

People (now I am addressing all of you), if you are on facebook; you would be aware about the "Like" option there whereby you can simply click it if you find a post, a status or an application likable or amusing. but certain Mr. PB has a discriminating opinion about it. He claims that girls keep pressing the "like" button everywhere! Ummmm, our punching bag has a competition here. Why? Well, as per this PB Theory, whoever presses the like button is a girl! Do we have another set of dudettes in making guys?

But meri tragedy dekhiye! I am supposed to be the good author here - the white one; and G is the evil - the Black one and our very own Crap Master (CM) is balancing us with his Grey cells! Still people (now read Madhu) call me Neha Full of Trix. Sigh! Tell me what am I supposed to do with two of the co-authors doing nothing here. So whatever i write becomes a trick. One side I am full of Trix and the other side I am velli.

Velli reminds me that our Marshal is planning and plotting something against KickAss author/s. "My evil mind is at work" he so claims. It is going to be great for KickAss any which ways; for we are hungry for more publicity. I can even introduce Rakhi CM Sawant here if we are becoming famous. So all of you; bring it all you want to. WE WANT FAME!

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Wazz up Dudette!!!

Happy New year people! We at KickAss are a bit slow and too lazy to come up with a new post very frequently. But whenever we do, we assure you that you will for sure pray that our laziness should get extended for lifetime. At least one person after reading this post title will surely think so. And he will abandon KickAss forever after reading this post. Quite a few of you would have understood whom I am talking about. For the rest let me introduce you to Sid aka Ravan - our Hero for this post for now.

Ravan always has all the latest news and info about the happenings in the blogsphere. The latest development that happened a couple of days back was the gender change of Ms. Vipul the Marshal.

And as always; Ravan was the first one to give us this news. No wonder he is climbing the ladder of success so fast. And just look at his modesty, even though he has his own domain now; he still calls his blog the Science of Stupidity.

Sir Ravan, teach us something please!

See I am so hopeless that I can't even come up with my own lines.

And now comes the Marshal - who has an uninterrupted brain due to which he comes up with ossum (ah, I am learning a bit Ravanji) ideas for Blog-a-Ton each month. Now this time, he has come up with an image, and the blog-a-tonics have to come up with a post keeping in mind the theme of that image. Such brains are around that they came up with different kinda posts based on the egg-figure image.

If I had participated in BAT, I would have written:

77+1 True Story of a Tomato Soul

People, welcome to 25th century. I am the soul of the tomato that was used by the human egg to colour this painting. And my wife Pencil could not see this happening to me. So she sacrificed our kid - the fevicol too and applied it on the ass of this human egg. The egg got permanently stuck to that chair and she drew a line between the chair and my grave!

Warm Regards - Tomato Fida Hussain

Now do you agree Mr. Madhu why I do not participate in BAT? I am not intelligent like you guys to come up with a post on paintings. And after reading this, I guess I am going to lose my first client of the new year. Yesterday only he told me that I am going to represent him in the court of law if need be. Sigh! Stupid me.

Moreover, I am going to be sued by people whom I have given a respectful space in my post. But Please sue Ste; for he started the page - waat lagao, sabki bajao - and inspired me to come up with this write up. Do read his post. Then you will hate me less. And he has only mentioned me there. I do not have anything to do with that post of his!

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